The last two weekends have been some what of a trying time for many of us I’m sure, the Halfway There Fair and the Relay Stock have produced results less than anticipated I’m sure even for my little team. I had up to this point been dealing with a lot of emotional feelings and can tell you it has done nothing to me except to drive me into a depression and realizing my time as a relayer is about over and done with.
Both of these images shows what kind of work and even with the help of a couple team mates went into getting ready as it were for both of these events.
Being a first year team however brought out another reality and that with all of the preparations that went on to even make a showing just didn’t feel right, like there was something missing yet. I just could tell my heart wasn’t in it.
I could tell there was a certain feeling of a lack of cohension among the entire group as we got ready for both of these events. And again, I had people come to me and tell me so how they felt as well. One thing for sure tho’, only time will tell now ahead to relay weekend who will be left standing empty handed.
Previously I had said that the entire group has pretty well fallen silent on various channels we use. I can not for the likes of me can remember a time when ever I logged in, there would be conversations going clear into the late evening hours. Now a days you hafta bribe somebody just to get a conversation started.
I don’t know exactly what the deal is, I’m not sure if they wait for me to log off and then talk or again, afraid to speak up. I’m just not sure why in any order that it is, but to me and I said this in the past that communication is key to being successful no matter what the situation is. I have stressed that during my time as a Mentor Lead and it worked beyond my expectations I had at the time, and still does.
I guess everybody is afraid to even wave once they enter the channel because somebody else might get offended even, oh well the old saying that “silence is golden” is still true today.
After having several conversations tonight it was time to move on. I know that there were a lot of anger and hurt feelings and the results, well just the way it was. I finally decided that after the present relay ends in July that I will look to other charities and see whats out there to do. Maybe something that will be just as meaningful but not as much stress involved.
I don’t know what I’ll do but having to call a meeting with my team is priority so I can lay out some ideas and see what they think. It’s a bitch I know when things can happen and it does go wrong, but the results can still be the same in the end. For me to moved on is a chapter that’s to be written in history, but a dark cloud is hanging over head and it looks like it could bust open any moment.
I’m gonna be fine, I’ll gonna make a new name for myself and those I work with at some point in the future, but when is the question to be answered in time.
I know the title is pretty awkward, but in my mind it’s the damn truth. I been doing a lot of soul searching and came up empty handed and after it was said and done, nothing. But, on the other hand it was through the incompetence of some people whom I did admire and try to be friends with, caused me to fall at a time when I needed them. But alas it didn’t end well and left quite a bad reputation in the end.
It doesn’t matter now anyway, I removed at least seven people from my list and just let it go, but the damage was already done as I explained to several people what sorta happened, one even told me I shoulda been asked first before pulling off a stunt like they did and tell me other wise, I lost my ass and walked out that same night.
Even trying to get ready for the Halfway There Fair and go this morning I heard some things and left, I was in no mood to even being there. Now, sitting around wondering on what new direction to move in, it’s gonna be hard to rebuild my reputation again as someone you could go to. I just don’t see my being in Second Life for much longer gonna make any damn difference anyway.
Yep! The title says it all when I went up to a couple platforms I had up high and literally did some spring cleaning! One was at the 900 level, the other on up at 1310 level, let me tell you it didn’t take but a few minutes to clean and put everything in inventory really quickly as I done it quite a few times over the years moving. I regained 1400 prims so that leaves me a lot of room to work with especially on my build platform when I need the prim counts.
Even my petite garden still looks lovely after a long winter and with it still not quite finished yet inside the house the extra prims will come in handy. A couple houses I had set down were just too much and one was even producing some lag, so down it came and I put my beach house back up, it just didn’t fit in with the community so……
Gonna redo Riko’s memorial this week after I come up with a new idea and approach, because thats going to be given to her team as a gift anyway, so there’s a little project to do there even. I’m not sure what I’ll get into next, so just hafta wait and see I guess……….
I guess of all the things I have ever done since I been relaying, I have come to appreciate what little I have contributed that counted towards the over all scheme of things. I have done a lot during my time as a relayer and yet there’s still work to be done ahead. But as this season progresses towards a grand finale in July, I am wondering if despite of all that’s gone on this season alone would be worth it. I have to really wonder if all the efforts, heart breaks, tears and joy will pay off in the end as we head towards another milestone.
To me, it does matter, it does in big ways never before revealed to me until I got struck down myself and seen first hand what other survivors dealt with. Now facing each day in recovery mode I take each and every moment I can to enjoy what I do have, even if I am a simple modest person. I don’t have riches untold in some ways but in others I do.
This year alone, my having tremendous responsibilities on my shoulders that others took off of me has lighten my load to now I can concentrate on what I need to do, course there were some people who told me to lay off trying to help others because according to them I wasn’t “qualified”, bullshit I say. I know a heluva lot more than they realize and can pretty well go on and do what needs to be done. They might not like it but tough luck because I know how to work around the system and come out alot better.
I know a lot of work arounds from past experience and it works, I drawn on combat experience to give me the tools I can use today even. Taking what I learned and know and put it all together in a neat little package and run with it as I said long ago works, and it shows in the end.
In the early going I was doing what they said I wasn’t supposed to do, guess what my methods worked and one team has done what I had planned for them and the results are amazing, made me proud to see them turn around and become a force to reckon with. If in the end all my efforts pays off, then I made some people look like fools and they don’t even need to bother coming to me to apologize.
Guess my reputation as “The Bitch From Purgatory” came thru nicely.
In all likelyhood I can pretty well see the writing on the wall. Just as clear as the blue skies and a sunny day surrounds me. I want to be able to project a positive experience but as it stands now, it’s not gonna happen unless I fake it for the remainder of the current relay season, even then too many people can see right through me. So, being positive is the only way I know and irregardless of what’s been going on thus far this season there’s a lot of yet to be done.
Teams that are fund raising like no tomorrow and to establish a goal of beating cancer to death like we are doing. My little team is kinda a late bloomer as we usually don’t really start up till after Halfway There weekend, then we go balls to the wall like crazy to finish our season. Course, I’ll be surprised if we beat last year’s total or be somewhere close to it. I had no idea back in January what was gonna happen as far as my team is concerned, and to get a message that the old team had been retired even back in 2012. So here I was, having to make quick decisions late at night that could have waited, but couldn’t.
Relaying under the old name was truly an experience I just rather forget about at this point, and for me it was just a heart break after all I done in the meantime. However, not having any communication from those who were over me as far as the makeup of the team execs was concerned it was just pointless to keep on, and then everything started to fall apart at the seams just before I made the decisions to restart afresh and anew.
So, that chapter has been closed and I cannot make any claims in regards to an event I had long supported but can’t anymore because of what happened, and from what I was told it was a very bitter fight and in the end to lose this particular event. Even recently while it was going on I did managed to go and get a couple items I was told that were only available once a year and yes I did get them.
So now at a crossroad trying to decide on what to do after the current season ends in July, this will make my ninth year (9th) relaying and I am not so sure if I will go for number ten (10), just have to wait and see I guess.
In the meantime I’ll do what I can along with my team and then try to enjoy what I can thru relay weekend, so we’ll see.