I am going out on a limb this time around. I am literally going to unload some really deeply troubling thoughts so bear with me. I’m going to be using Lildarke here as the example of what happened in a childhood that is lost for all eternity, by saying she represents the child that I was some sixty years ago, and I’ll reference a couple other writings at the end as well for a brief refresher. But, as it was growing up in an environment that was foreign and unforgiving at the time, even when I was at home, I never even knew what it meant to have a “normal” childhood. I never knew what it meant to grow up in a normal environment surrounded by family and friends except for those times when I was home from the hospital. Even then those times were a heluva a challenge to meet because of birth defects that over time were corrected, either thru surgery or nature by design.
Kindergarten, grade school, two of the most IMPORTANT formulating years of life were totally lost, and being in the hospital during the school years meant being tutored even then, but when I was at an age where I could attend public school it was hell. It was as if something had made a block in part of my education more difficult even around my friends at home. I can’t even recount how much I had missed while growing up in a situation that even my family couldn’t help it, they too were agonizing over the facts that their adopted child was having difficulties adjusting in learning.
Being held back sure made the process much more difficult than I could ever imagine the heartbreaks they had even. I can’t tell you just how they tried and tried to ensure I had the best care in the world but they were there, they were there no matter the outcome, they were there when I needed them the most and they stood by me through it all. Yes, even I was heart broken by being held back like I was, but I did the best I could considering the circumstances. I can only surmise that I just did what I could to get by and on to the next grade (or level if you will) towards finishing a school year with barely passing grades.
Not withstanding, I pressed onwards to the next school years, even skipping one year and jump right into high school. High school was a whole different ball of wax if you ask me, eight grade, drop out for a time, Vietnam going full swing and the ads from the military convinced me too return to the classroom to graduate with a diploma.
Now, you probably wonder how does Lildarke figures in this, simple she represents a portion of my growing up with speech defects that was very pronounced early on. Even with speech theraphy was a pain to deal with, pronouncing words, forcing words to form and come out was like this example;
“Vwicky is is is the bestest re re re relayer in the the w-w-w-w-w-w-whole wide w-w-w-w-w-world”!
or this example;
“I wuuuuvs you Vwicky”!
Now, hopefully you get the idea of what the hell it was like to even say a simple statements like these, now I didn’t really stutter like she does but I used that as an example of what it was like. The manner of forming words in my case was due to an upper lip that didn’t close right and was corrected surgically, and all is left is a barely visible scar.
There are other examples of other issues that even today still haunts me and I will get around to that a bit later on, soon. But even tho’ I got off to a less than normal start early on I made it to where I am today and you can’t even tell without even knowing some background. In my next writing or so I’ll go into another area of life that was so fouled up I didn’t know if I was coming or going. I did out grow it eventually tho, until then :).
These are related to what I just wrote about:).